Mundane Magic

Hi All!

I hope the end of summer finds you well. Times are definitely intense, so I have been reflecting on what I can do to better be of service as a human. For months, my intuition has been telling me to write. Clients have been asking me to write. As a natural response, I constructed a giant wall of resistance and avoided writing at all costs. Even as I sit here now, I am desperate to run away from this chair. I could clip the cats’ nails…I could look up today’s astrological chart…I could register for more classes and conferences until my schedule becomes so over-structured that I accidentally morph into a brick. Yes, let’s do ALL of that, Stacy! 

But today, I have decided to sit, despite all urges to run, and see what emerges.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. The first thing that comes in is this message: focus on the mundane.

Ok. I can run with that. 

And this is why I love improvisation and intuition…because it always leads me to the right place. 

Focus on the mundane. What an excellent strategy during times of tumultuous transformation.

When the energies get big, it is too easy to calibrate to a collective sense of overwhelm, confusion, and fear. It is easy to “future-trip”. It is also easy to get stuck in past regrets. But if we collect our focus and direct it towards the “little” things…those non-charged, mundane moments of seemingly small consequence…right here in front of us, we won’t get lost. Put simply, what I’m saying is pet your cat and do your chores.

Before I became (self-proclaimed) Queen of the Re-Frame, I loathed chores and I didn’t give two shits about finding joy in “the little things”. I lived in absolute chaos and only chased after the highest of highs. (Ask me in another blog how that all turned out.)

By the grace of god, buddha, or smacking my head against some low ceiling, I eventually had a psychic shift. I began to see “chores” in a new light. In fact, I stopped calling them “chores”. They became, instead, “future gifts to self”. 

I also saw that joy was available in every moment. I found that engaging in eye contact or sharing a smile with another person could feel really, really good. I realized that a deep breath of crisp fall air was a delightful miracle. (This becomes especially potent after a hot Texas summer.)

Let me give each topic its proper space.

Chores first.

When I wake up each morning, the very first thing I do (amidst the pounces of two hungry cats) is make my bed. I do not do this because I “have to”. I do not do this because I was "taught to". I do not do this because it is the “rules”. I do not do this because it is “good for me”. For those of you who truly know me, you know that I abhor all externally-imposed rules and regulations and that I will actively rebel if “told what to do”.  (I love making my own rules, however. Ask me in another blog how that looks).

I make my bed because I love and respect myself. I believe that I am worth it. When I come home at the end of a long day, I want my future self to be greeted with a room that is peaceful, beautiful, orderly and welcoming.

This applies to all of my “chores” or “to-do’s”. 

The other day, for instance, I had the day off. I had a window of time between out-and-about commitments, and was close to the office, so I decided to drop off my linens. I believe in honoring my boundaries around my off time. But I also believe in random acts of kindness. In this case, I didn’t have enough time right then to do much else, so I stopped in. At first, my plan was to simply drop the linens off. I did not particularly feel like folding them. But then I paused and considered myself the next morning, when I would have an earlier start than usual. I became inspired in that moment to be generous and to set myself up with a nice future surprise. I took 15 minutes and did all the folding. The next morning, I arrived at clinic and was so happy when I remembered that it had all been taken care of. I gave myself a smile and sat down for a leisurely meditation.

Yes, we are worthy of giving ourselves the same considerations that we would a beloved friend.

Now for the “little” joys. 

I used to confuse “joy” with “high”. I thought if it wasn’t a feeling of absolute exhilaration or if an experience wasn’t at least 100% on the intensity scale, that it didn’t count. I also used to confuse “joy” with “control” or “power”. I felt good when I felt in control or powerful, but that good feeling was actually centered on a sense of safety. Safety is not the same as joy.

The fact is that I was completely unable to experience joy. I did not know how to partake in the enjoyment of anything.

I am now aware of the direct connection between the need for a sense of safety and the ability to experience enjoyment. (Ask me about that in a future blog.)

As it turns out, I had long been paralyzed by fear, and that had kept me running. 

I was always trying to “get to” the next marker or prize. As a consequence, I bypassed all the joy (and connection) that was present in every moment along the way. When I would finally reach whatever high, achievement, or alleged treasure I was trying to claim, any joy (if present at all) was fleeting. The sense of perpetual dissatisfaction would set me out on the desperate quest for the next higher high. There was never “enough”. 

Throughout my life, I have known people who exhibited genuine interest, curiosity, and joy in everyone and everything around them. I always thought they were faking it. In some instances, I even judged them for being soft, weak, naive, or unambitious. But the truth was, they were highly effective people; they simply were not spending all their time and energy trying to prove their worth to the world like I was. They didn't have to “hustle” or talk a million miles a minute about themselves all the time. They were relaxed and comfortable, which allowed them to fully receive and find joy in the presence of others. They were free. I was not.

It was only in recent years that I came to see this truth. I finally saw that in all those years, I had been the one with the warped lens. It had been me who was weak and naive. Those shiny happy people had been operating from a base reality of love. I had been operating from one of fear.

Love is our natural state; love is sanity. All that time, I had thought I was so smart, so tough, so powerful. The real truth was that I had been very, very sick. I was terrified. Fear had rendered me insane.

Thankfully sanity, like joy, is also present and available in each moment. I now seek to emulate those who are able to connect deeply…those who smile, listen, and see with eyes of love.

My discipline-loving soul has taken a liking to the future gifts to self part, but this second piece about dropping fear and embracing joy is still very much a work in progress. It is something I must intentionally practice because I have been so habituated in the other direction. But what a fun task to work on!!! 

I get to practice enjoying this world and my time in it. I get to purposely slow down and notice the way things are and how they feel. I get to learn what I like. I get to give myself permission to feel good. I get to practice acting “as if” I do not view the world as a threat, until I finally reach a place where I embody this trust as my natural, given state. Most of all, I get to deepen my sense of magic and discover that everyone and everything I encounter is far more beautiful than I had ever imagined.